So what else should be a part of this top priority list?
I’ll tell you what, teaching kids how to understand the way they feel.
With every behavior come feelings. On top of this, the brain prioritizes feelings over thoughts. So, even if kids have a fantastic IQ, it doesn’t mean they know how to manage how they feel. Without knowing how to deal with feelings life is very confusing.
Here are ‘20′ feelings that I think parents ought to think about and teach their kids how to respond to…some of them are “no brainers” and some never get talked about!
Silly
Scared
Disappointed
Happy
Sad
Mad
Thankful
Frustrated
Shy
Bored
Excited
Envy
Proud
Shame
Embarrassed
Guilt
Brave
Joy
Confident
Insecure
Look over the list when you have time. Let me know which feelings you know how to describe to your kids and which are hard to teach. Happily, I will put up on my blog the answers to your questions and post whatever success stories you have regarding helping your child understand their feelings.
Dr. Laura has some insights that are worth listening to, but ignoring feelings, especially when it comes to teaching children about how they feel is a grave mistake.
Looking forward to hearing from you,
Dr. Ann
3 Comments
Hi Dr Ann,
How do I get to see your blog site? Thank you for this email on feelings, it is exactly what I am going through with my 2yr old son – trying to get him to understand his feelings, which is so tough for me, since we were “taught” to suppress feelings as kids growing up in South Africa.
Dear Dr. Ann,
I feel confident describing several of the feelings on the list but there are a few that I am not sure how to explain in “kid speak”. They are: shame, envy, guilt, embarrassed, brave, confident and insecure. Can you give me a little direction? Thanks. Dory
Thanks for your comments. Feelings are complicated and confusing. Just because everyone has feelings, doesn’t mean they understand them or how to react to them.
Sometimes I think parents don’t deliberately teach their kids to suppress their feelings, but instead parents don’t know how to teach their kids about the way they feel.
For example, when kids get ‘mad’ parents want to stop their kid’s behavior so they just tell their kids to “Knock it off”. Or they say, “That is no reason to get so mad or don’t be mad”.
When kids hear that they think their parent is telling them that their feelings aren’t real. On top of that, the child never learns what to do the next time they have that same feeling.
So, all kids learn is that it is their responsiblity to get rid of their feelings and never learn how to act when they feel.
Per your requests, in the next few days I will post “kid speak”, as Dory puts it, solutions to help parents explain feelings to their kids.
Keep these comments coming, so we can work together to spread the words about how to teach emotional education. Dr. Ann