We’re having a new problem (really between my husband and myself) in deciding when to give in to her need for attention.  Marian is 2 1/2 and will tell us to stop talking to each other at the dinner table and start talking to her. 

We try to give her a bit of attention and then finish our conversation, but now my husband feels she needs to learn “she’s not the center of the universe” and I’m torn. What do you think we should do?
Joanna

Joanna,
Great to hear from you.  Don’t want to take sides, but the reality on this one is your husband is right!  Marian at 21/2 is trying to figure out where she is in charge. 

All kids will at some point try to get in between their parents.  They will tell Mommy not to hug Daddy or tell one or the other parent to ‘put them to bed’ and reject the other parent. Your answer to your kids at this age is letting them know they are not in charge of when we, your parents, interact with each other. 

At the same time you have to tell your kids ‘WHERE they are in charge’. 

So in your specific situation, give her a ‘job’ and tell her she is in charge of that and no one else gets to do that, not even Mom or Dad…she is IN CHARGE of that particular thing, like pouring water in the dog dish or putting the placemats on the table. 

At the same time tell her she in not in charge of when Mom and Dad talk to each other. 
Plus, give her some cues of when she can talk at dinner like putting a special sticker on her placemat and then when she is not talking, look at her and tell her great job not talking and just using your ears, not your words to listen while Mommy and Daddy talk. 

Hope that helps,  Dr. Ann