It’s inevitable that kids fight at any age. Wherever there is a relationship there is conflict. Siblings will always find something that bugs them about their brother or sister. Just looking at your sister wrong can bring on a battle or the temptation to poke your brother to see if you will get a reaction is irresistible to most kids.
Toddlers fight because it is a form of communication and they do not know any better. Most of them don’t have great language skills, so if they feel frustrated or mad they use their bodies to express themselves.
A kid’s job is to figure out how they feel about conflict.
The parent’s job is to teach kids what to do with these feelings, NOT watch their kids in conflict, record it for U-Tube and encourage them to hurt one another on the video!
I know U-Tube is a phenomenon. And maybe I am naãve, but I cannot believe that the original designer of U-Tube ever had in mind displaying parents encouraging their kids to hit, slap and punch one another.
But regardless, this type of exploitation of children should make all of us sane parents stand up and shout enough is enough. Thank goodness for our child protective services and foster care system that were swift and quick to take this child away from their parent who was not protecting them.
Our #1 job as parents is to protect our children. That means when they are in harms way, whether it is their sibling or the next-door neighbor hurting them, we need to remove them to a safe place. This posting to U-Tube should be a reminder to all of us parents what to do when are children are fighting.
Quick tips for fighting families:
#1 It never matters who started the fight, so don’t ask your kids “who started it”.
#2 The minute your kids are hurting each other, parents need to get their kids away from each other.
#3 When you see your kids ‘get along’ be sure to tell them by looking at them, talking to them and touching them through hugs and hands.
#4 When the fight is over, teach your kids to apologize not just by saying, “I’m sorry”, but meaning it by not doing it again.
The way kids learn what to do with their mad is by their parents paying attention to when their kids don’t fight and telling the kids when they know just how to get along.
In other words, specifically teach your kids how to get along and when they don’t, step in to first separate kids, second protect them both from each other and lastly teach them how to be mad without hurting each other again.
That’s positive parenting, not the U-Tube style of not protecting but exploiting children through unhealthy parenting.
I give heartfelt thanks to all parents who protect their children,
Dr. Ann