I could not believe my ears this week when the Super Nanny says;

• “A pacifier is an emotional CRUTCH and there is no need for it”.
• “Three years is the “time” when kids need to give up their pacifier?”
• “When a new baby is born the older kids don’t use the toilet on purpose just to get
    their parents attention?”
• ”Three and four year olds have selective hearing and blatantly ignore their parents?”

Let me take a minute to sort out these myths and misconceptions about kid’s behaviors.
A CRUTCH is anything that serves as a temporary support.  It is used to hold something up that was missing. 

What a pacifier or fingers or thumbs or blankets represent to kids is that they will be able to “hold up” emotionally even though their parents are missing, like when they need to go to bed.  So a three year old who is worried about separating from their parents at bedtime needs some support.  It is a very appropriate calming technique to deal with loneliness at this age.

When a new baby is born the older siblings knew mom was pregnant and that everyone was talking about the new baby coming, but they have no idea that the baby is going to stay. 

After the baby comes home and the older siblings see that the baby is not going anywhere, they begin to believe that maybe they will ‘disappear’ just as quickly as the baby ‘appeared’. 

The child’s only defense during this scary time is to make themselves bigger than life, by being noticed all the time by their parents so their parents won’t abandon them.  Now as parents, we know that sounds crazy, because of course we aren’t going to turn our older kids in when the new one arrives, but it is a REAL fear for kids.

Kids don’t know they are doing this and never calculate to them selves by saying, “Gee, if I stop going to the bathroom or don’t listen to my parents, there is no way they can not notice that I am here to stay”.  All kids are doing is trying to get control wherever they can in a situation that feels totally out of their control.

So don’t buy into the myth that at a certain age kids don’t need support anymore.
Help your kids feel in control when a new baby comes by giving them jobs to do with the new sibling, so they feel purposeful and have ownership to the new baby. 

Like putting socks on the new babies or counting their toes while singing “This Little Piggy”.

I would be remiss in not mentioning that the Super Nanny did bring a much needed routine into the house, did replace the pacifier with another object (the envelope with animals) so the child did not feel totally abandoned and she did empower the parents to lovingly and gently guide their kids back to their own beds during the night. 
Way to go Jo!

For evidence-based research on pacifier use see American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry at www.aapd.org and check out Parent Resource Center/Parent Ed brochures
(thumb, finger & pacifier)   Stay tuned… Dr. Ann Corwin