Dear Dr. Ann,
I keep picking Hunter up to put him in a time out, (this is when I’ve asked him to do something and he hasn’t responded in the time aloud, or immediately when he hits, kicks or hurts his brother or anyone else). When I do this he pinches at me, kicks me, etc. I have been trying some where other than his room, because he just ends up playing in there or when really mad pulling everything out of his drawers (then do I make him clean it up alone, or help). Also I think the kicking of the pillow is too hard for him, so I need to come up with something else. Is it ok for him to hit at a pillow or pinch the pillow, or is it still teaching him to hit and pinch? Also should I just go back to always putting him in his room, or the time out spot? I am trying to ignore him when he pinches, kicks or hits me, BUT it is really hard. It is hard to not say a word everytime he gets out of time out and then put him back in. I start the clock over every time. I am REALLY SICK OF IT today and have been battling this pretty bad for the last three days. Any words of encouragement.Help!
- Heidi

Dear Heidi,

Do not ignore Hunter when he hits and pinches you, but make sure you remove him as far away from you as possible QUICKLY and of course somewhere where he cannot destroy stuff. Maybe you clear out a space somewhere in the house or even put him in the car seat in car in the garage, with the windows open and the door open to the house of course. This way he is isolated, but safe. Be sure to give him his “lovey” to hold when he is away from you!

Also, the emphasis must be how he uses his hands in appropriate ways, rather than just stopping the “bad” behavior. For example, when he picks up some finger food with his fingers, he is actually “pinching” the food to pick him up. Say to him, while making eye contact, ” great job pinching your food, yes, that is how we pinch in this family”.

He sees he gets your attention when he picks up food, but when he pinches your arm he does not. This also helps to differenciate between appropriate use of his hands and not.

You can teach him to do anything you want in his room when he is in time-out. It does not have to be with punching a pillow. Also, to answer your other question, pinching a pillow is totally appropriate to get energy out…it does not teach him to pinch all the time, just the appropriate time and place.

Hope that helps? Try to stay cool…cannot believe this “hot” weather, Ann