Dear Dr. Ann:
I’m very new to your site, and I subscribe to your newsletter. I just wanted to thank you. I have a 6-month-old and your information makes me feel empowered, compassionate, and informed. There is so much terrible advice out there and yours seems to be an incredible mix of science, developmental understanding, and intuition.
Diana Christensen, Sacramento, CA
Written on May 07, 2009
Hi Dr. Ann,
This is a quick note to let you know that your Discipline Plan has made a significant positive impact on the family dynamics. Most of the arguing that now occurs in our house is over which little girl followed the “Green Family Rules” first… I’m not kidding. The same week that you visited our home, I shared our plan with our daughter’s kindergarten teacher. She too sees a remarkable difference in our daughter. She said that she has better focus – like now she knows exactly what is expected of her. Thank you very much for your positive influence!
Dr. Ann’s Discipline Plan Really Works!
Written on March 19, 2009 – 10:36 am
Julie Green, California
Dr. Ann:
First, I wanted to take a moment to thank you for the wonderful opportunity for my daughter and I to meet you and be part of Toddler Talk. “Thank you!” cannot begin to express how grateful I am for the tools and resources you have provided over the last three weeks. I am excited to continue to see the benefits of using your techniques as we move forward. I am ordering your DVD as I am sure I will gain a lot more wisdom 
. You are absolutely amazing at what you do!
The Benefits of Toddler Talk
Tisha Ashby, Newport Beach
Monday, March 30, 2009 – 2:15 pm
Hi Ann!
I have to tell you, my son is doing phenomenal! He is a happy and much less frustrated kid. You helped us so much with the tools you gave us to use. The better behavior from being secure to has allowed him to learn and excel in all areas. It’s great that the Regional Center is blown away from when he was evaluated in November and were he is now and they have only been working with him a month.
We referred you to our pediatrician, and she would love to meet you and get business cards. She has many clients and seven kids of her own. We couldn’t speak highly enough of the simple, but practical, tools you gave us to deal with our son. Our doctor said it would be great to have someone to refer patients to. : ) We are a living functional example. Thanks so much for three hours of the most valuable money spent! First thing out of parents mouths is…. well how much does she charge? I tell them you can’t put a value on it.
Dr. Ann’s Tools Impress The Regional Center
Written on February 5, 2009 – 11:40 am
Anne Majors, California
In celebration of Mother’s Day, I’d like to share a special poem with you that was given to me by a mom that I had been working with earlier this year. She was a new mommy having trouble adjusting to being a stay-at-home-mom after the birth of her second child. She came seeking guidelines in managing her impatience with her children… the same impatience that many of us experience in trying to juggle life’s many demands. In the course of working with her, she found this poem and shared it with me, and today I share it with you as a subtle reminder to slow down and enjoy your precious children.
I bumped into a stranger as he passed by.
“Oh, excuse me, please,” was my reply.
He said, “Please excuse me too.
I wasn’t even watching for you.”
Oh, we were polite – this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said our goodbye.
But at home a different story is told
how we treat our loved ones, young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
my daughter stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked her down.
“Move out of the way!” I said with a frown.
She walked away, her little heart broken.
I didn’t realize how harshly I’d spoken.
Later that night, wide awake in my bed,
a still, small voice came to me and said,
“While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy you use,
but the children you love, you seem to abuse!
Look upon the kitchen floor,
you’ll find some flowers there by the door.
Those are the flowers she brought for you,
she picked them herself – pink, yellow and blue.
She stood quietly, not to spoil the surprise,
and you never saw the tears in her eyes.”
By this time, I felt very small,
and now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by her bed,
“Wake up, sweetheart,” I whispered and said.
“Are these the flowers you picked for me?”
She smiled, “I found ‘em, out by the tree.
I picked ‘em because they’re pretty like you.
I knew that you’d like them – especially the blue.”
I said, “Daughter, I’m sorry how I acted to you today,
I shouldn’t have yelled at you that way.”
She hugged me and said, “Mommy, that’s okay.
You know I love you anyway.”
I said, “Daughter, I love you too!
And I do like the flowers – especially the blue.”
Dr. Ann
I AM E-MAILING YOU AS A FATHER OF A 2YR OLD.
WHEN I AM WITH HIM ALONE, HE IS A GOOD TODDLER. HE GIVES ME NO PROBLEMS, DOESNT WHINE OR TANTRUM. BUT WHEN HE IS WITH MY WIFE ALONE OR MY WIFE AND I ARE TOGETHER WITH HIM, HE IS WHINEY AND HAS TANTRUMS WHEN HE DOESN’T GET HIS WAY.
I TELL MY WIFE TO BE MORE STERN WITH HIM AND DISCIPLINE HIM MORE BUT SHE SAYS THAT SHE DOES AND IT DOESNT HELP. WHY IS HE WHINEY AND HAS TANTRUMS WHEN MY WIFE IS AROUND? AS LONG AS SHE IS THERE HE JUST SEEMS TO CHANGE.
Dear Dad,
Thanks for your thoughtful question. This is VERY normal for a two year old. I assume his verbal skills are not terrific yet, so he uses his body to express how he feels. Whining and tantrums are forms of communication, even if they are not very appropriate ones.
Mothers always symbolize NEEDS for children, as biologically kids are wired to associate food/survival with their mom. With that in mind, that is why kids will escalate their behavior to get attention/connection from their mom anyway they can.
Dads on the other hand, symbolize trust and taking risks and playing for kids. So, kids don’t get so desperate for that attention, as it is not a survival attachment, but none the less vital to kids.
Kids just behave differently with moms and dads to get the attention they crave. If your wife gives their child attention by talking, looking at him or touching him when he communicates with whining and tantrums, that is why the behavior continues.
So here are some solutions…
First and foremost work on verbal skills everyday, by labeling EVERYTHING for your two year old, like say a word for everything you give him and when he tries to say a word or sound look him in the eye and say the word again.
With improving language skills you will see these behaviors fade.
Second, when your son tantrums both you and your wife, let him just have it, if he is not hurting himself or you guys…in other words, just turn your backs and walk away. When he is done, pick him up and tell him he did a good job of stopping because his arms and legs aren’t moving anymore and his tears are gone.
Third, when he whines just do the same thing, no talking, looking or touching. You can either distract him or just remove him from behind when he whines.
But, the key to changing this behavior is both of you paying attention to him when he uses any words and repeating his own words to him.
Sounds like you are a very loving and hardworking Dad. Keep teaching your son verbal skills, help your wife to only react to him when he is not whining or having a tantrum and you should see changes very soon.
Keep in touch, Dr. Ann
Hi Ann!
This is a very heartfelt, although belated, THANK YOU for speaking at our school! I can’t tell you how much the parents enjoyed it!
Just a few days after the engagement I was at a soccer party and heard a DAD sharing with several other families the things he’d learned. Then, this weekend, I was at a party and a mom came up to let me know how much she appreciated hearing you speak and asked if we could get you every month for a “parenting tune-up.” When she spoke up, several people near-by chimed in also about what a great speaker you are and how very much their families benefitted from the information.
Thank you, again and again, for your wonderful presentation!
Pat Busick Smith
Parent Education Chairperson
Harold Ambuehl Elementary School
Hi Dr. Ann,
I’m afraid to even say it out loud, but I think he may have come full circle. He said, “This is the most awesome day in Orange County ever!” He could not wait to go out and run in the rain! I can’t believe it! He has been doing great with the weather. He has been outside for all activities since the day you came to observe and continues to move forward. You deserve all of the credit. Ever since you consulted with us and provided us with the proper tools, things have improved dramatically…and I thank you very much!
There is no adequate way to tell you about the strong impact you’ve had on myself and my children. Your knowledge, honesty and humor normalized my feelings about parenting. Anytime I find myself stuck on the problem with my kids, I just ask myself, “What would ‘The Parenting Doctor’ say?