Tantrums
What Dr. Ann Corwin, The Parenting Doctor, Has To Say About Tantrums
Tantrums have a purpose. Kids lose control in order to understand their bodies and brains better. They will exaggerate their movements and emotions in order to understand their sensory motor system. This helps them learn how far they can go and what it feels like to stop when they are done.
So what’s a parent to do when you’re out in the park or in the grocery store or even in the privacy of your home? Just remember these few rules of thumb.
If your child is not hurting themselves or anyone else just let them have the tantrum (ignore it). And, oh by the way, ignoring the tantrum doesn’t mean you say to your child, “Ok, just yell and scream and throw yourself on the floor and when you are done tell me or if you don’t stop soon we are NOT going to the park”. Because if you talk to, look at or touch your child DURING the tantrum it will keep the tantrum going and assure that it will happen again. Truly walk away, as long as your child is safe.
If they follow you or you are in public, immediately stop talking to them, turn them around with their back facing your chest and remove them. During the tantrum years, I know it may be a hassle but you should always have a stroller you can put them in, so they have a confined place to calm down.
They cannot calm down by themselves as that is why they lost it in the first place. So, be sure to give them their lovey to help them know they will be OK even though their parents are not paying attention to them right now.
MOST IMPORTANT PART OF TANTRUMS IS WHAT YOU DO AFTERWARDS.
Always look at your child, tell them what a good job they did stopping themselves and never talk about the ‘bad’ behavior afterwards, because then talking about losing control becomes one of the ways your child stays connected to you. In order to learn impulse control kids need to memorize what it feels like to stop and to learn that they get time and attention from their parents when they stop, not when they lose control.
Written on June 7, 2009 – 1:16 pm
Posted in Dr. Ann's Column, Dr. Ann's Place for Parents, Elementary School Years, First Year, Kindergarten, Preschool, Talking Back, Toddler Years, Uncategorized, Whining
Dear Dr. Corwin:
I am the father of a two-year-old boy. When I am with him alone, he is a good toddler. He gives me no problems and doesn’t whine or throw tantrums. But when he is with my wife alone, or my wife and I are together with him, he is whiney and has tantrums [...]
Written on May 8, 2009 – 9:46 pm
Posted in Dr. Ann's Column, Dr. Ann's Place for Parents, Elementary School Years, First Year, Hitting, Kindergarten, Lying, Mean Girls, New Baby, Pacifiers, Thumbs, Fingers, Preparing For A New Baby, Preschool, Sharing, Sibling Rivalry, Sleeping, Sorting Out The SuperNanny, Talking Back, Testimonials, The Teen Years, Toddler Years, Toilet Trials, Uncategorized, Whining
In celebration of Mother’s Day, I’d like to share a special poem with you that was given to me by a mom that I had been working with earlier this year. She was a new mommy having trouble adjusting to being a stay-at-home-mom after the birth of her second child. She came seeking guidelines in [...]
Written on April 22, 2009 – 2:17 am
Posted in Dr. Ann's Column, Dr. Ann's Place for Parents, Elementary School Years, Hitting, Kindergarten, Lying, Sibling Rivalry, Talking Back, The Teen Years, Toddler Years
No question 10 years ago and no question now that Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were both severely mentally unstable teenagers. New perspectives on this horrifying tragedy are emerging. My only hope with any new information the parenting community does get is that all parents try to remember these three points:
#1 Learn what drives your [...]
It’s So Tempting to Spank…Times Are Tough!
These are hard times. Parents stress levels are at an all time high.
Kids feel this tension. Feeling helpless when you cannot keep your kids from acting out or you cannot pay your is normal. Using your body to express how you feel at any age is also normal. Because [...]
Written on July 3, 2008 – 7:55 pm
Posted in Dr. Ann's Column, Dr. Ann's Place for Parents, Elementary School Years, First Year, Hitting, Kindergarten, Preschool, Talking Back, The Teen Years, Toddler Years, Whining
I am a Pediatrician going through divorce. I have a 4 and 7-year-old boy who hit, kick, push and call me names. They are great at school and with other parents, but when I am with them, I become their punching bag!
I put them up in their rooms, take things away; it does not seem to make [...]
Written on November 30, 2007 – 12:56 am
Posted in Dr. Ann's Place for Parents, Talking Back, Toddler Years
I have a 2 1/2-year-old who’s starting to behave badly. She throws fits and doesn’t do as she’s told. I’ve tried giving her “time-outs,” but they don’t seem to work. Please help!
– Evelyn, Oakland, CA
Dr. Ann Corwin, The Parenting Doctor Advice for Evelyn
Hi Evelyn,
Kids at a very young age don’t understand the concept of time, so [...]
Written on November 28, 2007 – 7:09 pm
Posted in Dr. Ann's Place for Parents, Toddler Years
Dear Dr. Ann,
I have a 2-year-old son who has been throwing tantrums lately. When he wants something, he whines, and to be honest, I don’t know what to do. Is this behavior normal, and what can I do to help him?
– Sandra
Dr. Ann Corwin, The Parenting Doctor Advice
Dear Sandra,
Most parents think tantrums are a calculated, [...]
Written on November 28, 2007 – 7:08 pm
Posted in Dr. Ann's Place for Parents, Toddler Years
Hi Dr. Ann,
I care for a 3-year-old girl who acts out with other children when she wants what they are playing with. What can I do to help her?
– Audrey, Los Angeles, CA
Dr. Ann Corwin, The Parenting Doctor Advice
Hi Audrey,
Discipline is a way of teaching. When you use positive discipline, for example, you will stop [...]
Written on November 28, 2007 – 7:04 pm
Posted in Dr. Ann's Place for Parents, Sleeping, Toddler Years
Dear Dr. Ann
My 17-month-old toddler throws a fit every night at bedtime. She will not listen to a word we say. She has a 2-month-old brother and I wonder if she’s doing this for attention. How can I help my daughter express herself in a more effective way and how can I learn to understand [...]
Written on November 26, 2007 – 8:17 pm
Posted in Dr. Ann's Place for Parents
Dr. Ann,
Thank you for speaking with Steven and I on Wednesday. When you get a minute would you please forward the Rules to us. We also have a questions regarding the call: When Ethan is breaking a rule, what is the initial step to diffuse the situation?
Right now he is having a tantrum for the [...]
