Tantrums
What Dr. Ann Corwin, The Parenting Doctor, Has To Say About Tantrums
Tantrums have a purpose. Kids lose control in order to understand their bodies and brains better. They will exaggerate their movements and emotions in order to understand their sensory motor system. This helps them learn how far they can go and what it feels like to stop when they are done.
So what’s a parent to do when you’re out in the park or in the grocery store or even in the privacy of your home? Just remember these few rules of thumb.
If your child is not hurting themselves or anyone else just let them have the tantrum (ignore it). And, oh by the way, ignoring the tantrum doesn’t mean you say to your child, “Ok, just yell and scream and throw yourself on the floor and when you are done tell me or if you don’t stop soon we are NOT going to the park”. Because if you talk to, look at or touch your child DURING the tantrum it will keep the tantrum going and assure that it will happen again. Truly walk away, as long as your child is safe.
If they follow you or you are in public, immediately stop talking to them, turn them around with their back facing your chest and remove them. During the tantrum years, I know it may be a hassle but you should always have a stroller you can put them in, so they have a confined place to calm down.
They cannot calm down by themselves as that is why they lost it in the first place. So, be sure to give them their lovey to help them know they will be OK even though their parents are not paying attention to them right now.
MOST IMPORTANT PART OF TANTRUMS IS WHAT YOU DO AFTERWARDS.
Always look at your child, tell them what a good job they did stopping themselves and never talk about the ‘bad’ behavior afterwards, because then talking about losing control becomes one of the ways your child stays connected to you. In order to learn impulse control kids need to memorize what it feels like to stop and to learn that they get time and attention from their parents when they stop, not when they lose control.
Written on January 7, 2010 – 9:00 pm
Posted in Dr. Ann's Column, Dr. Ann's Place for Parents, Elementary School Years, First Year, Hitting, Kindergarten, Lying, Mean Girls, New Baby, Pacifiers, Thumbs, Fingers, Preparing For A New Baby, Preschool, Sharing, Sibling Rivalry, Sleeping, Sorting Out The SuperNanny, Talking Back, The Teen Years, Toddler Years, Toilet Trials, Whining
January of any year is famously all about promises. At the beginning of the year we usually reflect on the last and resolve to change in the year ahead. Change is good, it means we are moving forward and not feeling so stuck. But, where I always get stuck is the ‘talking’ about change instead [...]
Written on December 9, 2009 – 10:17 pm
Posted in Dr. Ann's Column, Dr. Ann's Place for Parents, Elementary School Years, First Year, Hitting, Kindergarten, Lying, Preschool, Sharing, Sibling Rivalry, Talking Back, Toddler Years, Whining
I am sure you are already planning where you will be for the holidays, what to buy, what you will donate to others, what parties you will attend, who will be coming over to your house, what to eat for special holiday meals and the list goes on and on.
But, do you have a plan [...]
Written on November 19, 2009 – 6:04 pm
Posted in Dr. Ann's Column, Dr. Ann's Place for Parents, Elementary School Years, Hitting, Kindergarten, Mean Girls, Preschool, Sorting Out The SuperNanny, Talking Back, Toddler Years
Decided to check in on the Super Nanny show for this season after watching and commenting all last season. I wanted to see if this year’s prime time show was educating parents in accurate and helpful information. Much to my disappointment the show has not changed one single bit!
Supper Nanny starts out by labeling the [...]
Written on October 31, 2009 – 2:56 pm
Posted in Dr. Ann's Column, Dr. Ann's Place for Parents, Elementary School Years, First Year, Hitting, Kindergarten, Lying, Mean Girls, New Baby, Pacifiers, Thumbs, Fingers, Preparing For A New Baby, Preschool, Sharing, Sibling Rivalry, Sleeping, Sorting Out The SuperNanny, Talking Back, The Teen Years, Toddler Years, Toilet Trials, Whining
www.parentsask.com is a new place to go on the Internet to get interesting, informative, and accurate parenting information. It’s a place for you to ask questions about your kids. You talk to other parents, get their opinions and suggestions for any issue you are facing in your family. You can post a question yourself, ask [...]
Does your child manipulate you? Do you ever feel like your child’s in charge and not you? If you answered “yes,” then you’re just like every other parent! But, even though you feel manipulated by your child, you may be surprised to learn that kids do a lot less manipulative behavior than you think.
All parents [...]
Written on July 17, 2009 – 10:38 pm
Posted in Dr. Ann's Column, Dr. Ann's Place for Parents, Elementary School Years, First Year, Hitting, Kindergarten, Lying, Mean Girls, New Baby, Pacifiers, Thumbs, Fingers, Preparing For A New Baby, Preschool, Sharing, Sibling Rivalry, Sleeping, Sorting Out The SuperNanny, Talking Back, The Teen Years, Toddler Years, Toilet Trials, Whining
Summer vacation… kids cannot wait and parents look forward to less structure and fun. But by the middle of July, the dreams of carefree summer fun seem to fade. Why?
Kids love to predict: they want to know what’s coming next so they can manage their behavior. Even though it sounds great to just relax, [...]
Written on June 28, 2009 – 11:44 pm
Posted in Dr. Ann's Column, Dr. Ann's Place for Parents, Elementary School Years, First Year, Hitting, Kindergarten, Lying, Mean Girls, New Baby, Pacifiers, Thumbs, Fingers, Preparing For A New Baby, Preschool, Sharing, Sibling Rivalry, Sleeping, Sorting Out The SuperNanny, Talking Back, The Teen Years, Toddler Years, Toilet Trials, Whining
Ever get up “on the wrong side of the bed” and don’t know why?
At one time or another just about everybody experiences not knowing why they feel the way they do. Kids get even more confused than parents do about their feelings. All kids behaviors are in response to some sort of feeling and most [...]
Written on June 11, 2009 – 12:13 am
Posted in Dr. Ann's Column, Dr. Ann's Place for Parents, Elementary School Years, First Year, Hitting, Kindergarten, Lying, Mean Girls, New Baby, Pacifiers, Thumbs, Fingers, Preparing For A New Baby, Preschool, Sharing, Sibling Rivalry, Sleeping, Sorting Out The SuperNanny, Talking Back, The Teen Years, Toddler Years, Toilet Trials, Whining
Fathers should be appreciated all year… not just on one day! While Father’s Day is a tremendous idea, we all need to affirm Dads for their significance every day of the year.
I come from a long line of fantastic fathering men. My grandfathers were both grand fathering me from birth to their deaths. My Dad, [...]
Written on June 7, 2009 – 1:16 pm
Posted in Dr. Ann's Column, Dr. Ann's Place for Parents, Elementary School Years, First Year, Kindergarten, Preschool, Talking Back, Toddler Years, Uncategorized, Whining
Dear Dr. Corwin:
I am the father of a two-year-old boy. When I am with him alone, he is a good toddler. He gives me no problems and doesn’t whine or throw tantrums. But when he is with my wife alone, or my wife and I are together with him, he is whiney and has tantrums [...]
Written on May 8, 2009 – 9:46 pm
Posted in Dr. Ann's Column, Dr. Ann's Place for Parents, Elementary School Years, First Year, Hitting, Kindergarten, Lying, Mean Girls, New Baby, Pacifiers, Thumbs, Fingers, Preparing For A New Baby, Preschool, Sharing, Sibling Rivalry, Sleeping, Sorting Out The SuperNanny, Talking Back, Testimonials, The Teen Years, Toddler Years, Toilet Trials, Uncategorized, Whining
In celebration of Mother’s Day, I’d like to share a special poem with you that was given to me by a mom that I had been working with earlier this year. She was a new mommy having trouble adjusting to being a stay-at-home-mom after the birth of her second child. She came seeking guidelines in [...]
