Hitting

Here’s What Dr. Ann Corwin, The Parenting Doctor, Has To Say About Hitting

Hands are not meant for hitting, but when a child uses hitting to communicate they sure get their point across. And usually their point is being made by expressing an emotion they cannot identify in words. Like being mad, frustrated or disappointed in their situation.

Our first instinct as parents is to say “Don’t hit, that hurts, be gentle”. It is of course a logical response and explanation to us as parents. Parents then say to themselves, surely my child will get the point if I look at them and tell them immediately to cut it out, while explaining why they shouldn’t hit!

Even though as parents our hearts are in the right place, if we respond to our kids hitting communication by communicating back to them with eye contact and talking that is what keeps the hitting going. Because kids are learning how to develop a relationship with their parents through eye contact, touching and talking. So kids will continue to do any behavior that gets communication from their parents, even if it hitting.

SO WHAT’S A PARENT TO DO?

When your child hits treat it just like you would if someone hit you, immediately move away from your child by turning your child’s back to your chest, and don’t talk to them. That will stop communication immediately.

Finally, we’ve talked about how you stop hitting behavior, but how do you change it?

The only way to change hitting is by re-teaching your child what you do want them to do with their hands. So every time you see your kids use their hands appropriately, tell them. Say, “Hey, way to go, I love the way you are using your hands to eat your snack or wow, you know exactly how to wave bye-bye with your hands, yes, that is what you do with your hands.

So all your communication with your kids surrounds when they use their hands the way you want them to as a parent.

Spanking Doesn’t Work, it Hurts!

Written on October 30, 2008 – 1:15 am
Posted in Dr. Ann's Column, Dr. Ann's Place for Parents, Elementary School Years, First Year, Toddler Years, Uncategorized

It is so easy to swat your child when they are seemingly disobedient. ABC TV yesterday reported yet another research study shouting loud and clear that spanking used as a regular punishment has long-term affects on children and their potential for violent behavior.

 
Please consider the facts.  The American Academy of Pediatrics says…
Although most Americans were spanked […]

Read More Add Comment

Twins are Double the Trouble!

Written on August 29, 2008 – 12:43 am
Posted in Dr. Ann's Column, Dr. Ann's Place for Parents, Kindergarten, Preschool, Uncategorized

Being the parent of twins can be twice the challenge and at the same time twice the joy. Contrary to popular myth they are not all alike, but can still be double the trouble sometimes for their parents.  Here’s one mom’s trouble with her twin boys.

 
Dear Dr. Ann,
Thank you for your time and expertise during our […]

Read More Add Comment

Spanking…Why it Doesn’t Work!

Written on August 6, 2008 – 11:16 pm
Posted in Dr. Ann's Column, Dr. Ann's Place for Parents, Elementary School Years, First Year, Kindergarten, Preschool, Talking Back, Toddler Years, Uncategorized, Whining

Spanking is so misunderstood. 
For decades spanking has been defined as a discipline technique. Spanking has nothing to do with discipline; it is a punishment technique.  Discipline teaches a child how to behave so they can change and punishment only stops behavior, but never changes it.
 
A decade ago the word on the street and among […]

Read More Add Comment

Eating Dinner With Your Kids Stops Violence

Written on July 15, 2008 – 6:56 pm
Posted in Dr. Ann's Place for Parents, Elementary School Years, Preschool, The Teen Years, Toddler Years, Uncategorized

The age-old debate about nature vs. nurture is never ending.  A recently released study of 20,000 adolescent boys in grades 7-12 discovered there is a common gene (MAOA) where antisocial, violent behavior exists. 
 
The most interesting part of this University of North Carolina study was that environment or nurturing could change the course of this […]

Read More Add Comment

Divorce Makes Kids Mad!!!

Written on July 3, 2008 – 7:55 pm
Posted in Dr. Ann's Column, Dr. Ann's Place for Parents, Elementary School Years, First Year, Kindergarten, Preschool, Talking Back, Tantrums, The Teen Years, Toddler Years, Whining

I am a Pediatrician going through divorce. I have a 4 and 7-year-old boy who hit, kick, push and call me names. They are great at school and with other parents, but when I am with them, I become their punching bag! 
I put them up in their rooms, take things away; it does not seem to make […]

Read More Add Comment

Torture For The Bully Kid

Written on June 15, 2008 – 9:25 am
Posted in Dr. Ann's Place for Parents, Elementary School Years

I am having a little parenting struggle I was hoping you could help me with:
 
My oldest son, Brad is now in the 2nd grade. He seems to have made some good friends at his new school. We took him out of Grace Christian (a school of 40) when we moved and put him in public […]

Read More Add Comment

Caregiver of 3 Year Old Wants To Know How To Manage Aggressive Behavior

Written on November 30, 2007 – 1:05 am
Posted in Dr. Ann's Place for Parents, Preschool, Toddler Years

Dear Debi,
I care for a 3-year-old girl who acts out with other children when she wants what they are playing with. What can I do to help her?
– Audrey, Los Angeles, CA
Dr. Ann Corwin, The Parenting Doctor Advice for Debbie
Discipline is a way of teaching. When you use positive discipline, for example, you will stop a […]

Read More Add Comment

Hitting - What to say

Written on November 26, 2007 – 9:27 pm
Posted in Dr. Ann's Place for Parents

Hi Dr Ann

Please e-mail me the family rules
The #of speech pathologist
New  phrase-or what to say 

P.S. Idean is doing much better , thanks to you. Sandy 
Dr. Ann Corwin, The Parenting Doctor Advice
Sandy,
I admire the two of you for working so hard to help Idean.  You are exceptional parents. Attached is discipline plan.  For speech support and help […]

Read More Add Comment

Hitting and Pushing

Written on November 26, 2007 – 8:24 pm
Posted in Dr. Ann's Place for Parents

Hi Dr. Ann
I was sorry to miss the last class today, however my son, Kieran, was sick.  I did have one last question I was hoping you could answer for me…What is the best way to disciple hitting/pushing in a playgroup situation at his age (15 months)? 
I know if he hits me I should simply put him […]

Read More Add Comment

Hitting Problem in Pre-School

Written on November 21, 2007 – 3:24 pm
Posted in Dr. Ann's Place for Parents, Preschool

Hi Dr. Ann
We are having a critical problem with Adam. He is having a problem in pre-school with hitting.
It seems to be more impulsive then mean spirited. His pre-school teacher seems at wits end. She told Debbie today that if it were up to her she wouldn’t let Adam go on to kindergarten. Adam […]

Read More Add Comment