With the kids back in school now for a few weeks, many moms who chose to return to the workforce are having serious doubts over their decision and are starting to wonder if they, or their children, will suffer in the long run.

The topic of staying in the home to raise your children versus working has been debated for years and there is no one right answer to the argument. With that being said, I strongly believe that it’s not about the amount of time that you spend with your kids, but rather the relationship that you cultivate with them. Here are few tips for coping with the stress of returning to the workforce:

• Stop focusing on the quantity of time you have with your children, and start focusing on the quality! When it is your special time with them, be 100% present.
• Establish a “transitional object” for your child to hold onto when you are away: whether a blanket or a stuffed animal, anything that helps your child continue to feel connected to you when you are away will help ease separation anxiety.
• Play peek-a-boo with younger children: this game enables them to get used to not seeing your face while you are away and helps them to learn that you are indeed coming back even though they cannot see your face. With older children, play hide-and-go-seek as it teaches the same thing.
• Be gentle on yourself! Just as children suffer from separation anxiety, so do mommies, particularly as those maternal hormones abound. Know that these feelings are fueled by doubts of returning to work and are a normal response to leaving your child.
• Seek out quality childcare so that you can feel comfortable when you are without your child. Remember that it is very normal to have doubts about leaving your child: it means that you’re a caring, loving parent and that you have a healthy attachment to your child. Kids only suffer if a parent neglects them by not keeping them safe (namely a good childcare setting that enables children to bond with their caretaker), or not attaching to their child when they are with them. Be sure to select a childcare provider who encourages drop-in visits and know that it is a huge red-flag when someone tells you that stopping by unannounced is “disruptive,” or otherwise discouraged.

I have many techniques to share with mommies suffering from back-to-work grief. If you, or someone you know, need help with this huge transition, feel free to contact me at 949-643-8879. Dr. Ann