Andrea Yates the infamous mother who drowned her five children back in 2001 was in the news again this week.  Her husband, Rusty who is re-married, had another child recently, so the story of their tragedy resurfaced once again.  Rusty still communicates with his wife and mother of his five children that she killed.  How can he do that? 

The answer is forgiveness. 

So how do you begin to forgive a woman who murdered her own children?

I think the only way to begin the process is by understanding how this could have happened and then make sure we prevent it from happening in another family.  

Our society is very sympathetic towards people with broken bodies, but not for broken brains.  Mental health issues are, at least initially, hidden by most people.  Andrea Yates mental health sure was, as she had a long history of major ‘red flags’, like attempted suicide and isolation.  Then eventually after this tragedy a correct diagnosis of severe postpartum depression & psychosis was made.

Everyone knows or should know that a woman’s body and their brain changes as their bodies prepare for pregnancy and birth.  After a baby is born the body needs to change back.  It usually takes a full year after birth for a woman to ‘feel like herself’ again and like in Andrea Yates case sometimes the recovery never happens. 

Andrea could not ‘right’ her system alone.  She did not get the help she needed before it was too late.  It is no different than someone with a broken arm, if a doctor doesn’t help ’set it’ correctly, your bone will never heal on its own to its original state.

We are about to celebrate Thanksgiving.  It is a time to give thanks for what we have and to give to others less fortunate than you are.

My hope for this holiday is that parents everywhere will not only give thanks and give, but forgive even the seemingly unforgivable acts that other parents do. 

In other words, be forgiving, not judging when you see another parent struggling with their children.  Be quick to forgive your kids when they misbehave.  Lastly forgive yourself for those days when you don’t do your best at parenting your own kids. 

Here’s a special thanks to all the families who have given me the honor of working with you and your children for the past 25 years,

Dr. Ann