Hi,
I read a very similiar situation on your site and wondered if you might be able to help with our 2 year old who is waking quite frequently now that we have a new baby. 

Amelia took a long time to start to sleep through the night, around 15 months, and was consistent until we had our new baby, Anna, who is now 4 months old.  Now she frequently wakes up, requesting to have juice, change pull-up, change PJs, have a hug/kiss, anything. 

I have always been the one to do the bedtime routine with Amelia, and in the past have stayed in the room until she falls asleep. I have been trying to stand outside the door now until she falls asleep thinking if she goes to sleep without me in the room maybe she won’t call out for me when she wakes.

She seems to do okay with this after walking her back to bed 3-5x.  But there has been no change in the night waking.  I try to keep contact short, but usually she already has the pull-up off if she wants to change it or same with the PJs. 

It becomes a very tiresome process, and as the other parent mentioned it’s ironic that I am sleep-deprived now because of my 2 year old and not my 4 month old.  I have thought about removing myself from the bedtime routine completely and having daddy do it, but she is really against daddy doing much for her and I feel this might actually make things worse or want mommy more.  Any ideaswould be greatly appreciated.  Thanks, Kim

Kim,
Thanks for your thoughtful e-mail about night waking.  The reason that Amelia is waking after the new baby came is because she feels like she needs to check to make sure you and your husband are still there.

When you tell your child that the new baby is coming, they have no idea that the baby will stay and after it does, they worry that they will disappear just as quickly as the baby appeared. 

So the answer is to play ‘hide and go seek’ and ‘peek-a-boo’ constantly during the day.  This helps them understand that even if I cannot see my parents they still exist.

When you initially first hide say something like this, “I cannot see my Amelia, but she will always be my only little girl named Amelia who is”…then describe her physically. 

Believe it or not it helps her know she cannot be replaced. You  and I know that is a ridiculous thought that you would leave her, but it is real to her.

Be sure she has a sleep ‘lovey’, like a blanket, stuffed animal, so she knows she will be OK when you and your husband are not there for her…namely, when she is asleep.  Tell her during the day that it WILL help her sleep and what to do with it specifically when she wakes. 

Like hugging her ‘lovey’ and closing her eyes if she wakes.  Tell her also that wake up time is always when she see mommie or daddies face at her door and when you go night-night, that means your feet do not touch the floor. These specifics help her know what to do in the night.

When she does wake in the night, never talk to her, touch her as little as possible (if you pick her up, do it from behind) and do not look at her. All this will help her know that she will get no piece of you in the night time. 

WHEN she does sleep through go ahead and act like she won the lottery and spend more time with her the following day and tell her why…say, “let’s play dolls together, because you know exactly how to sleep with your feet on the bed and your eyes not opening until you see mommie and daddies face at your door”!

You are obviously a loving and hard working parent. Keep up the good work, 

Dr. Ann Corwin, The Parenting Doctor